I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
