Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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