The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
