Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
