Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
