I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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