Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
