I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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