where am i from again
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
