im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
