i think i have two assholes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
