Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
