So drunk its hurt
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize