Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
