Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish they made helmets for livers.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize