I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Boobs speak an international language.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
