at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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