...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
