Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
