The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
