thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
