Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
