He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Send help, water and tortillas.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
