Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
