AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
