Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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