I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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