I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
