You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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