I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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