So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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