I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
