i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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