Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
there was a trapeze. enough said
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
