we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
