they need to just BURY HIM!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize