3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
