saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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