Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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