Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
