I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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