i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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