singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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