I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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