She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
