You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
