totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
