i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
