This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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