You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
