My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my liver is dry heaving
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
