ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
