he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
