brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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