Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
