She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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