I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
