We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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