I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
