He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
