she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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