somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
