I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
