And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
