He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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