I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
