so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
