This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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