That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
